i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize