Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
