i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
