I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
