ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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