did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
