i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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