Define "chronic" masturbator.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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