Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
