he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
