i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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