I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
