I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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