you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
