I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
