How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
did i walk over a car last night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
