So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A+ Viking dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
