Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
