i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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