I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
