true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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