I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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