my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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