her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
