I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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