first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
