It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
