Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
