My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
