I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
