i don't like sucking hair
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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