my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
