I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
