i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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