I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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