Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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