the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
