i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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