Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
