I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
