The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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