drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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