All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize