so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
