I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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