Barsexuality is the new black.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
