I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
