I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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