He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There r osticjed everywhere
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
