i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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