She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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