I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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