I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
