You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
