i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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