If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
