I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
