I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was born a porn star she said
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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