when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
