i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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