So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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