He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
soo... how was my night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
