Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
