just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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