i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had sex on a roof
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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