this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
