Yo dont text me then not text me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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