so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
