Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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