God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize