he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
