i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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