im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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