Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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