More tranny stories later!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
