i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
