when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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