I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
