Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
