when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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